


Finding Your Happy

by Piper_Halliwell1979



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Anal Sex, Fluff and Smut, Hand Jobs, M/M, Oral Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-09
Updated: 2016-02-09
Packaged: 2018-05-19 10:24:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,892
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5963890
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Piper_Halliwell1979/pseuds/Piper_Halliwell1979
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Cas and Dean realize they haven't been happy with anyone else but each other</p>
            </blockquote>





	Finding Your Happy

The smell of fresh coffee brewing stirred Dean from his sleep. He could get used to these restful nights. No collapsing onto his memory foam from shear exhaustion after a hunt or a long drive. He rolled over and sneaked a peek at the clock on his nightstand. Fuck. It really was time to get up. At least there would be coffee. Coffee was good.  
After a few more moments relishing the comforts of his bed he gave in. He scanned the room for his robe. Fuck pants. It's too early for pants. He'll put on pants later. First he wanted breakfast. Dean swaddled himself in his plush robe and padded down the hallway to the kitchen.   
"Good morning," he said as he grabbed two mugs from the cabinet. He poured the hot, dark, nectar of the gods. He left his black but scooped two spoons of sugar into the other one. "Thanks for putting a pot on, babe," he said as he passed the cup. Dean brought his own up and inhaled the rich aroma, kick-starting his brain. He could get used to more mornings like this.   
Sam stumbled into the kitchen still rubbing his eyes and yawning. "I did smell coffee. Pour me one, Dean?" He asked. He went to the fridge for the container of cantaloupe he'd cut up the night before. After grabbing a fork he planted himself in a chair across from his brother and thanked him for the cup. The three of them sat quietly for a few moments. It was nice, peaceful.   
"So," Sam broke the silence, "You got any plans today? I was thinking about going to this farmer's market about 30 minutes from here and getting some fresh veggies. You're welcome to come with. Or, we could go to IKEA and pick up a bigger bed for Dean's room since you've been in it just as much, Cas."  
Dean choked on his coffee and Cas started patting his back until he started to breathe clearly again. Then he slowly rubbed Dean's back in a circle to soothe him. Dean had also blushed a bright red. He could feel the heat in his ears as well. He stared across at his brother in disbelief.  
"I'm a hunter, Dean. You don't think I can pick up tiny details and put together the big picture?" Sam said. He continued popping pieces of fruit in his mouth. He chased it with more coffee then continued. "Power ballads. You sing power ballads in the shower."  
"So?"   
"So you've only been doing that since Cas moved in," Sam replied. He was ready to offer his brother a complete list of reasons and examples. "And I sort of...caught you," he said, clearing his throat. He looked up to see Dean practically squirming in his seat. His jaw was locked and his body was tense. Cas continued lightly stroking Dean's back.  
Dean couldn't believe Sam just blurted that out. When? When could he have seen anything? They'd been so careful sneaking around, or so they'd thought. It's not like they thought Sam would have a problem with it. It was new and special. Dean wanted to keep it in their own little bubble for awhile. His brother just literally burst his bubble.  
2  
Dean and Cas had been in one of the archive rooms researching a case. They hadn't made much progress and Dean's vision had started to blur. He decided they needed a break.   
"How do you feel about watching a pirated movie with me, Cas? Popcorn, beer?" He suggested.  
"A pirate movie is fine with me , Dean."  
"No, Cas not a pirate movie. Pirated. I downloaded the new Star Wars movie, you know, less than legally." He explained. Sometimes it was frustrating but sometimes it was downright cute. He smiled at Cas and offered to grab some snacks.   
Since the movie was on his laptop they had to sit close on his bed, balancing it on their legs. Dean held the bowl of popcorn and Cas would reach in occasionally for a handful. A couple times their hands touched, making Dean's heart race a little. He should be used to all the little brushes and touches. Cas had always been in his personal space. Sometimes, though, he felt like they were always on an awkward first date when they were alone together.  
When Dean became emotional during the movie, Cas had gently put his hand on his arm for a few moments. He didn't shrug it off. He found it comforting. When the movie was over Cas asked him why it had affected him that way.   
"I don't know, Cas. Maybe because I've been there making those choices. Maybe because I wish someone loved me like that, you know, unconditionally."  
Cas furrowed his brow, confused. "Your brother loves you unconditionally," he offered. Then in a softer, quieter voice, "I love you."  
Dean was taken aback by the declaration. It had always been just an unspoken given between them. Of course they felt a deep affection for each other but he never slipped the "L" word.   
"I know," he joked, hoping Cas would catch the reference.  
"I share my feelings with you and you Han Solo me?" Obviously he got it. But he was being serious. He looked frustrated and a little hurt. Dean immediately regretted making that joke.  
"I'm sorry, Cas. We've just never really said stuff like that out loud. I wasn't trying to hurt your feelings." Dean set the laptop aside so he could turn to face Cas. Without thinking he placed his hand over Cas' and gave a gentle squeeze. Dean felt a heaviness in his chest. He was hurting for Cas.  
They sat quietly for a few more moments. Neither of them really knew what to say next. Where did you go after that?

3  
Dean started conversations in his head but assumed they would all come out wrong, further alienating Cas. He couldn't just not say anything, though. When the silence felt more uncomfortable than talking would he finally spoke.  
"H-how do you mean 'love', Cas? Like how Sam does or...?" Dean trailed off, unsure of what he wanted the answer to be.   
"Like I think about us as more than friends. I...I...want affection. Like the hand holding now is nice. I want that, and not just when I feel upset." Cas looked at him with those wide, blue eyes. He was vulnerable and being sincere. Dean's heart fluttered and his face flushed. Whatever words he spoke next would have to be chosen very carefully.  
"I don't know what I want, Cas. I can't say I haven't thought about that stuff before. You know I've only even been 'affectionate' with women."  
"So have I, Dean. But as nice as it felt it just didn't feel...right. It didn't make me happy. Spending time with you makes me happy. And I think you feel the same way." Cas held his gaze. He looked hopeful.   
Dean searched for a response to that. He hadn't thought about his conquests in the context of happiness before. Yeah, sex was great, felt great. But it was still empty. Even his time with Lisa. What made him happy was the normalcy. He was happy being a dad to Ben. Maybe he was only truly happy...with Cas?   
"I never thought about it before, but you're right. Just because something feels good doesn't mean it feels right. Just sitting here with my hand on yours, talking...feels like the right thing to do. If it was anybody else I would have freaked. But, it's you. And you're like family to me. I would die for you, you know? But I don't know what to do beyond that." Dean said as gently as he could, still holding Cas' hand. He reached his arm around Cas' shoulder and pulled him close enough for Cas to rest his head on Dean's. Cas sighed.  
"I can understand your hesitation, Dean. It has taken me a long time to speak to you about this. I was afraid of you, as you put it, 'freaking out" and not wanting further discussion with me. Instead you show me more affection. Thank you." Cas turned his head up and smiled at Dean. He felt comfortable nestled together like this. He didn't want it to end.  
Dean let his mind wander into the realm of possibilities.. This level of affection was fine. He enjoyed the cuddling, but could he handle more? He looked at Castiel's lips. He tried to imagine how they would feel, how his mouth would taste. So far it was still pleasant. Kissing might be okay. Now to image just laying on their sides with their chests together, holding each other, and maybe dropping a few kisses to his neck, nibbling at his ear. Oh yeah, none of that sounded bad. If the forming bulge in his jeans was any indication of how he felt about Cas, it was more than friendship.

4  
Dean hadn't realized he'd fallen asleep like that. Cas was still dozing on him. He knew the angel didn't require much sleep, but with so little grace to sustain him...Dean just realized how truly vulnerable Cas was. He was living in a kind of limbo. He wasn't a whole angel. He had known life as a human man. He had experienced the pain and the pleasure. He could still feel love and attraction like any other person. He had felt the devastation of rejection before. At least this was foreign territory for both of them. Cas had no divine insight.   
"You awake, Cas?" Dean nudged him slightly. Cas stirred and sat up. "Hello, Dean," he responded. His eyes crinkled with a smile. Dean smiled back, focusing first on Cas' blue eyes before shifting his glance to his lips. He'd gone to sleep thinking about them, possibly dreaming about them...he couldn't remember. He wondered if Cas had been looking at him that way, yearning for something so close to him that felt just out of reach. His heart began fluttering. A lump rose in his throat. When Cas' lips parted slightly to speak or draw a breath Dean made his move.  
He started softly, cautiously. He didn't want to startle Cas. Oh fuck his head was swimming. His fluttering heart was now pounding to get free of his chest. Dean could feel the hairs on his neck and arms bristle like there was a static charge in the room. He could hear a quiet moan but didn't know if it was him or Cas making the sound. He moved the tip of his tongue to trace Cas' lips as he cupped his hand behind the angel's neck. He was in no hurry to pull away. He wanted this moment burned into his soul, in a place that could never be taken from him. When the kiss finally did break, it was Cas who spoke first.  
"Dean, I...that felt...it made me extremely happy. I have far less experience than you with kissing. I hope it made you feel happy too." Dean broke into a wide smile and laughed. If Cas had any idea how he was feeling right now...yeah.   
"Yes, Cas, I definitely feel 'happy.' That was probably the best first kiss ever." Dean's stomach was full of butterflies. He felt like a teenager all over again. He was nervous and excited. He couldn't stop grinning.   
"First kiss, Dean? Does that mean you want to do that...again?" Cas asked eagerly. He positioned himself to face Dean. He looked like a giddy teenager too. The world around the two of them started to blur and condense to just the space around them on the bed. All they could see was each other, and themselves in each other's eyes. There was a spark there that had long gone unignited.  
Dean grabbed Castiel's tie and pulled him to where their foreheads touched. "Cas, I want to do that again," kissing his nose, "again," kissing his cheek, "and again," locking their lips. "Oh....Dean," Cas moaned in his gravelly voice. He initiated the next long kiss. It was better than heaven.

 

5  
For the next week Dean and Cas attempted to act "normal" around Sam or in public when they worked a case. They also had begun finding little nooks in the bunker to steal away to for "breaks." It was increasingly difficult to stay focused on anything besides each other. Whenever there was research to be done they sat together, legs touching. Occasionally they would reach for one another's hand under a table. Any distance was too far away. They would wait for Sam to fall asleep first so Cas could come to Dean's room for a makeout session and to hold Dean whilst he slept. Dean slept soundly through the night even though he knew Cas would be gone the next morning. Someday he would tell Sam and the sneaking around days would be over. Until then the angel was HIS.   
He missed Charlie. Even if he wasn't ready for Sam to know, he'd been quietly "praying" to his unbiological sister. She'd be so happy for him. Like hyper and bouncing off the walls happy. She had really liked Cas. She probably would have told him it's about damn time he got his head out of his ass and went after what had been right in front of him. Charlie was awesome. He knew everyone got their own personal heaven but if Ash could hack Angel radio, Charlie could hack heaven itself.   
"Dean?" Sam interrupted his thoughts. "Have you heard a single word I've said? You look completely zoned out."  
"Sorry, Sammy," he replied. "I was just thinking about Charlie." Dean could honestly say. He also knew it was a tender subject for Sam as well so he wouldn't want to press him further. With a simple, "Oh," from Sam it was dropped. It was late anyway so Sam closed his laptop and announced his plans for turning in. Dean looked at his half empty beer bottle and told his brother he'd be doing the same in a few. As soon as Sam was out of sight he pulled out his phone and sent Cas a quick text: MOOSE DOWN BEAM UP XOXO. Cas was creeping through the door in seconds.  
"Hello, Dean," Cas greeted him with a quick peck on the lips and a tight embrace. When Cas dropped his arms he collected Dean's hands with his own. He loved feeling the roughness of them, the callouses of a mechanic. They could also feel so gentle when Dean was holding his face. He couldn't wait to get snuggled next to him. Dean was so giving and affectionate. "Are we going to watch another movie first?" Cas asked. Even if they hadn't technically gone out they called their evenings "dates." For the past six nights they would start a movie, kiss for awhile, talk, and Cas would stay with Dean until he slept. Sometimes Cas would doze with him but he tried to sneak out in the morning before Sam woke.  
"Actually, I thought we could have another kind of date tonight. How do angels feel about dancing?" Dean stepped back and made a little twirl. He was indeed a romantic. Since he had only courted women before he thought he could take the same approach with Cas.   
"Dean I don't think your taste in music is appropriate for dancing. And angels are quite fond of dancing," Cas answered. "I think I know what song I would like for our first dance. Can you find it for me on your phone? It's called 'Fools Rush In" by Elvis Presley."  
"Elvis, huh? I can dig Elvis," Dean said with a wink. He took Cas by the hand and led him to his room.  
6  
Dean found what he was looking for and set his phone on the speaker dock. He pulled Cas close as the melody began. As they swayed to the rhythm Dean nestled his head into Cas' shoulder and softly sang along into his ear, "But I can't help falling in love, with you."  
"Do you mean it, Dean?" Cas asked nervously. The closest he'd ever heard to "love" from Dean had been to say he needed him.   
"I mean it, Cas. You're all I can think about or dream about. I'm excited and nervous and terrified I'm going to do something to fuck this all up. I'm pretty sure that's the falling part of love. I...love...you, Castiel. And I'm staking my claim. You're my guy." Dean said with a little less confidence than the little speech he'd prepared to say at some point tonight. He was pretty sure a millenia old being was the old-fashioned type. He was going to take things slow, declare his intentions, and keep praying to Chuck it wasn't going to end. Cas rushed him with a kiss forceful enough to knock them onto the bed. They both started laughing.   
"So...does this mean we're...boyfriends now?" Cas teased. He rolled them on the bed to where Dean was positioned on top of him. He loved the feel of the other man's weight on him. Mmmm...the way Dean looked down at him hungrily before bringing that warm, sweet taste of his mouth to Cas'. His tongue was forceful at first to part Cas' lips then softened to give when Castiel kissed back. His hands were free to trace the muscular lines of Dean's back and shoulders. He could grasp the hairs at the back of Dean's neck to pull him closer. And Dean just seemed to know that exact spot where his neck met his shoulder to suck and nip at to make him moan and grind his hips up into Dean's.   
They hadn't progressed past a little friction. Last night had been the first time they'd gone shirtless so they could take turns caressing each other's hot, bare skin. They had planted small, soft kisses all over. Dean sat back on his knees to shed his t-shirt. He balanced to pull Cas' dress shirt free of its tuck. He worked the buttons undone from the bottom up, exposing Cat's beautiful torso. Dean was eager to taste the salt of his skin again.   
"Ooooh, Dean," Cas moaned. His body quivered under the gentle touch of Dean's lips. He was being kissed all over. Oh god how sensitive the inside of his wrists and elbows were. He could feel himself hardening against his suddenly restrictive trousers. "M-more, Dean. I want more..." he begged. He wasn't quite sure what was to happen next but his body was craving, no, demanding it.   
"Are you sure you're ready for more?" Dean whispered in his ear. It's not like he had any experience to rely on but he had a good idea of what HE WAS ready to try next. Cas couldn't speak but he nodded "Yes." Dean looked deep into Cas' eyes. "Do you trust me?" He asked. "With my life," Cas managed to whisper.

  
7  
For a moment Cas is confused. Dean pulled away from him and walked over to the closet. He went to sit up and saw Dean had retrieved a couple candles. Dean was not slacking in the romance department. He made sure a candle was positioned and lit on each side of the bed before turning off his reading lamp. The glow of the flickering flames danced across Dean's bare chest as he returned to the bed, straddling Cas. He resumed peppering Cas' body with kisses.   
Dean reached down between them to unfasten Cas' belt. "Lose the pants, baby," he instructed. Cas lifted his hips to shimmy them down then kicked them off. Dean had only unzipped his jeans to relieve some of his own restrictions. He wanted to focus all his attention on Cas' needs. He could be a very generous lover.   
Dean could feel his angel tremble under his touch as he started at the jaw and caressed his way down the neck, then down the center of Cas' chest. Only Dean's index finger made contact from just below the navel, down the thin trail of dark hair, and hooked into the waistband of Cas' boxers. He tugged them down to reveal the erection that had been straining against them. Cas' pupils widened. He let a sharp gasp when he felt the heat and pressure of Dean's hand upon him.  
In his thirty-seven years of life the only dick he'd ever held for pleasure had been his own. Feeling Cas was familiar, yet alien. Unsure, Dean decided to try what he knew worked for himself. He kept a firm, but not tight, grip on the shaft. With his thumb he worked up and down the slit of Cas' penis. When a bead of pre-cut surfaced he worked his thumb in slow circles around the head to spread the lubricant. He returned his attention to working the shaft.   
He worked a couple strokes, giving a slight twist with his wrist. Castiel's moans became primal, guttural. Dean could feel Cas throbbing as his hips instinctively thrust up into Dean's fist. He saw Cas dig and claw his fingers into the mattress as his breath went from heavy to a pant. Dean picked up the pace, rocking his own hips to rub his bulge on Cas' tensed thigh. "Dean, I'm...ahhhh" the angel said as he threw his head back. His back arched him off the bed as Dean felt Cas release on his hand. Seeing what he'd done to Cas was enough to send his own cum bursting against his underwear. Dean collapsed next to Cas on the bed.   
Both their chests were heaving. It took several minutes for Dean to slow his breathing enough to form complete thoughts. That had been an intense orgasm. He was sure the one he'd given Cas had a very similar effect. Dean rolled to his side to give Cas a soft kiss.  
"Sorry I made such a mess, Dean," Cas said after catching his breath. He looked around the room for something to clean himself up with. Dean just smiled at him.   
"When we get our land legs back we can go shower," Dean offered. "Seems I made a little bit of a mess myself." And an hour ago he'd only planned for slow dancing and tonsil hockey after declaring their relationship exclusive.

8  
Dean refused to let Cas do the walk of shame out the door the next morning. After their shower Dean lent Cas some clean sweatpants and a V-neck tee to be comfortable in. He made up another dorm room and hung Cas' trench coat in the closet. There, all moved in. They could pick up some toiletries at the drug store later. For now they had a couple hours to rest before Sam would wake up. Freaky early riser.   
Since Cas was a terrible liar, Dean did all the talking at breakfast. He spun a story about Cas showing up late and feeling more human than angel so he made him a sandwich and put him in one of the rooms for nap. He told Sam he assumed having Cas around for awhile wouldn't be a problem. He was draining his grace too much zapping in anyway. Sam nodded in agreement and Cas thanked them for their hospitality. Under the table Dean had laced their fingers together.  
Thankfully Sam had declined the invite to venture out to Walgreens. Dean could have his angel beside him riding shotgun. For the stretch of empty road he'd pulled Cas close behind him, one arm draped around him, the other on Baby's wheel. It felt pretty damn good to feel normal. Huh. Normal. Just running a quick errand with his gay angel lover. The very definition of normal. He chuckled to himself and gave Cas' shoulder a gentle squeeze?  
"What's funny, Dean?" Cas inquired.   
"It's nothing, really. I always thought I couldn't have 'normal.' Turns out all I had to do was change what that word meant to me. It's not the white picket fence, apple pie life . It's having somebody look at me the way you do." Cas furrowed his brow in confusion. "I fail to find the humor in that Dean," he said. Dean laughed again, this time aloud. "Oh, Cas.," he said, "I laugh to express joy, or some other serious shit you would say. I'm happy, okay?"  
Cas appeared to accept that. He enjoyed the next few minutes just watching the scenery pass. The,world looked clearer, brighter. He supposed having a new sense of purpose made everything seem seem somewhat...better.   
Dean went around to open the door for Cas. He was a gentleman suitor now. He took his partner's hand and walked into the drug store with little care if anyone have them a sideways glance. Dean only let Cas' hand free to walk up front for a hand basket since they were both fumbling with their items. There was an older woman at the register who snagged his arm as he went to find Cas. He had seen her before and she'd always been pleasant. She leaned in to whisper to him.  
"I like the new boyfriend. It didn't seem like you and the other one were getting along so well. That tall guy always looked so...bitchy. Good luck, honey." She smiled at him and he beamed back at her. He wondered if he should tell Sam that he was the bitch faced ex. Nah. It would just be funnier for Sam to get an earful from the cashier completely out of context.  
Cas was relieved to pile his items into the basket. He was also ready to slide close to Dean for the ride home. Home.  
9  
It was getting harder to keep things from Sam. Like, literally hard. Cas was oblivious to the adorable and sexy little things he did to drive Dean crazy. He would always forget to do laundry and wound up borrowing clothes. The over-sized shirts would slip and expose the neck and collarbone Dean was kissing and caressing at night. The baggy sweats would expose Cas' hip bones. Why couldn't Sam just chase a lead on his own once in awhile? By the time he waited for his brother to sleep he was aching for Cas' touch.  
They had been content with "heavy petting" since that's as far as Dean was sure about what he was doing. Sure, he knew how to receive a blow job. But Cas learned more by mimicking so if he wanted another one he was going to have to learn how to give one. He always got nervous thinking about it. It's just skin. His mouth and tongue had tasted plenty of Cas' skin. What if he gagged? What if Cas didn't warn him and he choked on angel mojo? He didn't want his fumbling to turn Cas off. He wanted every moment to be this incredible love-making experience between them.   
When Dean was just starting to experience more R rated relationships he'd relied on porn for his education. He wasn't sure he wanted to go down the digital rabbit hole of gay porn. It wasn't all guys he was attracted to, it was just Cas. He was the only man Dean had ever fantasized about. Maybe there was some legit "research" he could do without the graphics.   
"Sammy! How many libraries does this damn place have?" He yelled. He should be able to hear him. He'd been annoyingly close in proximity for weeks.   
"What?" Sam answered. He sounded close. "Libraries? What are you researching?"   
"Just looking for something to read for my own entertainment instead of for a case. A man can't live on Netflix alone," Dean said with a hint of sarcasm. Sam was more apt to believe the bullshit if it was laced with his attitude.  
Sam went quiet for what seemed like enough time for Dean to feel ignored. He almost went to look for his brother but Sam emerged with leather bound journal. "Here," he said, handing it over, "The Men of Letters had their own kind of Dewey decimal sysytem. You know you can download books, right?"  
"Eat me, Sam. And thanks." Dean flipped through the pages. He made a mental note of the human sexuality section before continuing his page turning for Sam's benefit. He attempted to appear studious to avoid further conversation. Sam sighed loudly. He wanted to ask Dean what the hell was going on with him lately. Any time they spent together felt...obligatory. Dean was keeping something from him so he was creating distance. If he could convince his brother that Cas didn't need a baby sitter he could get him alone in the car long enough to ask him.   
"I'm getting a little stir crazy, Dean. Why don't we go shoot some pool tonight? Just us?" Sam tested.  
"Not tonight, Sammy," Dean suspected what Sam was doing. "Raincheck?"  
10  
After spending an hour looking up sex in books like he was a curious middle school kid, Dean knew some basics but he still needed to know how to bring some romance to it. He decided a little online research wouldn't hurt if he was careful where he looked. Ha! Got it! Cosmo always had tips and tricks for the ultimate ways to please a man in bed. He could go look that up in his room on his laptop.  
Dean had already selected a couple books he would actually like to read so if he bumped into Sam his cover story would stick. Luckily Paul Bunyan was sulking and he could hear Cas lightly snoring from his midday nap. Dean shut himself in his room.  
"We'll THAT was informative," he said aloud after reading his third Cosmo article and looking at YouTube videos involving produce. He decided to put the laptop away and get a quick nap in for himself. If he was going to take another big step with Cas he wanted to be rested. No dozing off after some intense "cuddling."  
Oh but he dreamed about it. He dreamed about curling his fingers through Cas' hair and gently guiding him. The heat of his mouth and the softness of his tongue swirling around-  
"Oh fuck!" Dean woke with a jolt. His vivid dreaming left him in need of a wardrobe change. No big deal. He could just slip into some sweats to accentuate his desire to be a homebody tonight. Maybe keep his robe on to hide any signs of excitement on his part. At least tight jeans hid his erections during the better part of most days.  
He figured he could probably use a little lunch as well. He found Cas picking at a salad. He assumed Sam made it   
"Rabbit food?" Dean teased. "Want me to fix something else, babe?" Cas pushed his bowl away. "Yes, please," he answered. "Sam was fixing it anyway and it would be impolite to refuse him."  
Dean gathered some sandwich building materials and reached his hand into the salad bowl to use the greens. He set a plate in front of Cas and sat across from him. "There, fixed your salad," he smiled. Cas smiled back and used his bare foot to caress Dean's leg under the table, Those adorable little things Cas did. Dean wanted the next few hours to pass by so badly. Maybe they could go hide out in the garage after this. Nothing like making out with your sweetheart in the back of a classic car.   
"I've missed you today, Dean. Perhaps if we told Sam of our relationship we could be openly affectionate around him."  
"Believe me, I've thought about this every day since our first real night together. I want to tell Sam.but...it's just so incredible between us. We're in our honeymoon phase and part of me isn't ready to let anybody in yet. I want us to be just us for a little longer. Okay, Cas?"  
"We are not married, Dean. How can we be on our honeymoon?" Cas asked, confused. Dean just laughed. "Come here, you wonderful man," he said. Time for some honeymoon practice.  
11  
Dean escorted his lover to a large black town car. He wanted a nice, roomy back seat. He sat back and pulled Cas up on his lap. He wanted to kiss him fiercely but he found himself lost in those deep blue eyes. He cupped Cas' jaw with his hands and gently pulled his face closer. He could hear the slight hitch in Cas' breath as their lips barely brushed. Dean teased with small kisses around before ducking in Cas' bottom lip. Cas smashed hard onto Dean's lips. He was hungry and forceful, finding Dean's tongue with his own. He'd become more confident with Dean. Every moan and quiver that escaped Dean's body encouraged Cas further.  
He reached behind Dean's head and grabbed a fistful of hair, pulling his head back, exposing more of his throat. Cas growled and began sucking on Dean's neck. That was probably going to leave a deep purple hickey but right now neither man cared. Dean had run his hands up the back of Cas' shirt, pulling them tight against each other. Cas balanced himself back on Dean's knees to free himself of his garment. Dean took the moment to do the same. He pressed his face into Cas' bare skin, taking in his scent, his raw pheromones. He WANTED him.   
Dean decided to take control. He pushed the smaller man down on the seat and crawled on top of him. "Oh, Dean," Cas moaned. He wrapped his denim clad legs around Dean, positioning his hard member against Dean's. This, "dry humping" as he'd been informed it was called, had brought them mutual pleasure many times. He could feel Dean's hand reach down and squeeze his ass. Dean's breath was hot on his neck as he whispered, "Do you trust me?" Cas opened his eyes, "Always," he replied. He became nervous and excited for whatever Dean planned to do next.  
Dean's fingertips felt like they were charged with electricity as they trailed down Cas' torso, tugging his jeans open. Cas lifted his hips to help Dean pull them down and away. Dean's tongue started to follow the same path his fingers had taken. Cas gasped as Dean's hand enveloped his dick. He cried out at the sudden touch of Dean's tongue on the head. It was swirling around before Dean took Cas in his mouth.   
Dean was careful not to go too fast. He wanted to work his way down without gagging himself. He kept his hand in place for Cas to feel him where his mouth couldn't reach. He tried keeping his tongue moving and bobbing his head but he kept losing his rhythm. He decided to concentrate on suction and moving with the occasional tongue action. If he was doing anything wrong Cas didn't notice. He was moaning louder than he ever had. His back was arching and sweat was beaded on his forehead and chest. Dean knew Cas was on the verge and he had a big decision to make in just a few seconds. Fuck it. He was going for it.  
He started to moan a little himself as he picked up speed. He was almost ready to come himself. He reached his free hand down his sweats hoping to climax together. He felt Cas twitch in his mouth right before hot, thick liquid was filling it. He wasn't choking. It didn't taste bad, just salty. He swallowed Cas down as his own come spread over his hand. He sat back in the floorboard of the car panting for breath. Cas had his head back and eyes closed, trying to catch his own. Dean climbed up in the seat to lay his head on Cas' chest. Neither was in a hurry to move or speak, just be.  
12  
"You okay, Cas?" Dean asked as he stroked the arm Cas had around him. He enjoyed the post climax cuddling they did. It made everything seem more intimate. Not like blowing your boyfriend wasn't extremely intimate.   
"I believe I feel more than okay, Dean. That was amazing. I had never experienced that before." At least Dean knew he didn't fuck that up. And he was no longer afraid. Seeing and hearing how Cas responded to what he did was a hell of a confidence booster. Dean had even conquered his fear of swallowing. He would still give Cas the option not to, though.  
"Think we should get our clothes back on and make our presence be known to the big guy?" Dean was going to need another shower and another change of clothes. If it wasn't for Sam being around, Dean would probably strut around naked most of the time. Cas wouldn't mind that. He admired the human form, especially Dean's.  
Cas pouted and looked irresistibly adorable. Dean just wanted to kiss those frowny corners of his mouth. He reached around to find where their shirts and Cat's jeans had been discarded. Cas reluctantly took his clothes and got dressed. Dean hugged him tight and stole another long kiss before taking Cas' hand to sneak back into the bunker.   
They still hadn't seen Sam. His bedroom door was closed so maybe he was having some private time for his own stress relief. Whatever. He wanted more time with Cas anyway. He couldn't get enough contact with him. Dean felt whole when they were together and like part of him was missing when they were apart. His heart ached a little when he realized it had been like that for years. He was just too stupid to see it before. Cas was his soulmate and the whole time he'd been struggling to define just what they meant to each other. He just knew Cas was family.  
"Dean, what are you thinking about?" Cas asked. He had snuggled up to Dean on the bed and had laced their fingers together. Dean's arm was wrapped around him.   
"Us, Cas. It's all I think about. Just how wonderful you are and how I'm finally ready to be what we're meant to be. I understand what you meant about being happy. All this time that missing piece, that hole in me...that was you. I was trying to fill it with booze, one night stands, hunting...I'm just a stupid prick, okay? If I wasn't so insecure we could have had this sooner. And maybe...maybe we would have made better choices together." Dean started sniffling and hot tears escaped his eyes and fled down his cheeks. He gripped Cas even tighter. Cas wiped the tears away with his thumb and kissed Dean tenderly.  
"I love you, Dean. I've always loved you. But I don't think you are stupid. I think you weren't ready to be loved. As soon as you wanted to be loved, you let me in. All of our choices led us here, right now. I fell from heaven and you rose from hell. I chose you, Dean. And you chose me. That's all that matters."   
"I love you too, Cas," Dean struggled to say over the lump in his throat. "I love you, too."  
For the first time, Cas didn't leave Dean alone to return to his own room.  
13  
Dean could hear snoring before he opened his eyes. There was Cas lying on his back with Dean's arm around him. He tried to be still to not disturb him. He wasn't used to waking up still holding his lover. Dean wanted to take it in for a few more minutes. They could figure out the Sam situation in a bit. Cas stirred and opened his eyes. He smiled at Dean and rolled over for a quick peck. They rested their foreheads together and just breathed each other in.  
Fuck it, Dean thought. Why not just stay here in bed all day? Just like this? Ugh. Because he had slept through the night and really had to pee. And he wanted to brush his teeth before giving Cas anything more than a quick smooch. Cas was a little shifty too. Damnit. Fucking rom-coms make this waking up thing look a lot less complicated. Where was the sex hair, crusted drool, and full bladders? Nope. Just bat your full lashes and make out. Dean groaned and pulled away.   
He needed to shower too, he realized. He never changed last night. He grabbed his robe off the floor and headed out first. Cas would be a few minutes behind. Still no Sammy. Not even a coffee smell. Where the hell was he? Maybe he should make the shower quick. He was starting to worry. Yeah, quick shower, look for Sam, grab breakfast. Good plan.   
It turned out to be unnecessary. Dean thought the sound of another shower coming on was Cas but it was Sam. Cas was still lagging.  
"Dude, where have you been? I didn't see you last night, you weren't around this morning. I was going to start a search party."  
Sam turned to give him a classic bitch face and flipped him off. Moody bastard. "Now you care what I'm doing? You have been ignoring me for weeks, asshole." Sam yelled at him from a couple stalls down. "I went to a movie last night BY MYSELF and went for a run this morning BY MYSELF."  
Dean felt the sting from his brother's words. He and Cas had been so consumed with each other he'd actually hurt Sam. He suddenly felt extremely selfish and wanted to tell Sam why. Maybe he'd understand. Shit. Maybe he'd be even more pissed that he'd kept something that big from him for so long. Dean was now more conflicted than ever.  
"I'm sorry, Sam. Really. I'll cook us all breakfast and then maybe we'll...I don't know...do something today. Okay?" Dean attempted. "Fine," Sam responded. He sounded like he was going to be pissy all day but Dean really did owe it to him. He hoped Cas would understand him leaving him behind for "bro time."   
Dean exited the shower as Cas was about to come in. He whispered his plans and Cas nodded. Dean was so thankful for an understanding boyfriend. Still sounded silly. Mate? Partner? Hubby? Jesus, Dean. You've only been a couple for a few weeks. Still...he wasn't opposed to the idea. He had a lot to think about while cooking breakfast. Ha! Maybe he'd just give Sam a wedding invitation to break the news. That would go over well.  
14  
Aside from the awkward silence at the beginning of the ride, Dean actually enjoyed spending a little time with Sam. He almost slipped a couple times about what he was really doing during his downtime. But, they nursed a couple early beers and shot some pool in a near empty bar. They shit-talked each other into laughter like old times. It was good. They needed it. No case talk or hustling some drunk locals for cash. Sam even indulged in some hot wings and greasy onion rings for lunch. A cougar in a black tank top even tried to slip Sammy her number. "You should take her up on that, Sammy. Older women know what they're doing," Dean teased. Hell, a while back he would have swiped the number for himself. Not anymore. He was off the market.  
The drive back was a lot less tense. Dean knew Sammy couldn't stay pissed for long. He could still sense his brother's suspicions that he was keeping something from him, but at least he wasn't pressing him. It was hanging right there between them. Over and over in his head Dean was thinking, "I'm in love with Cas." He just couldn't get the words to come out.   
"I'm sorry I've been such a dick to you lately. I wasn't trying to be, Sam. I'm glad we did this. Sometimes I forget that you're also my best friend." Dean said as they got home. Sam laughed. "Cas is your best friend," he replied. Now it was Dean's turn to laugh. "But you'll be the best man at my wedding," he said before realizing there was a shit ton of subtext in that statement. Sam just clapped his shoulder and walked away from the car.  
Cas had managed to make himself a couple peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for lunch as evidenced by the sticky residue and crumbs on the kitchen table. Dean would clean it later before dinner. He went to Cas' room to let him know they were back but only found a note addressed to him on the bed. There was a heavy feeling in Dean's chest and a tremor in his hand when he reached for the paper. "Damnit, Cas," he said quietly. He heaved a sigh. He's just in one of the libraries. He was probably laughing at jokes in Enochian in texts Sam and Dean thought were serious lore. Dean decided to stay out in the open in the bunker to appear more "approachable" to Sam. He grabbed one of his books from his own room and made himself comfortable on a sofa to read.  
Sam noticed Dean not hiding away and joined him. He was searching online news articles for another lead on a case. They sat in the same room, quietly, lost in their own interests. It signified that they were fine.   
"I was unaware you had returned," Cas said, startling the brothers. He was carrying a couple books and a notepad. "I don't wish to intrude. Carry on," he said as he headed to his own room. Sam and Dean exchanged confused glances then shrugged it off. What the hell was he taking notes on? Dean would ask him later when Sam wasn't around. Cas tended to be very frank in his answers when asked a direct question.   
When dinner time rolled around Dean suggested making their own pizzas. Sam would ruin his with weird shit, Dean and Cas were more carnivorous so they heaped on the meat toppings. Cas even indulged in a couple beers. Today had been pretty damn good so far.  
15  
After Sam announced his intention to turn in early, Dean and Cas decided the whole day apart was enough so they were eager to be alone together. As soon as Dean clicked the lock on the door Cas had him pressed up against it. He pinned Dean's arms above him and kissed him hard. Dean could barely catch his breath before his angel was sucking and biting his lip. Cas lowered his mouth and bit down on Dean's shoulder, right where it met his neck. Dean gasped and cried out. He wasn't used to Cas being this aggressive but godDAMN it was turning Dean on. His dick hadn't gotten that hard that fast since he could remember.  
Cas released Dean's wrists to remove his shirt. He resumed his passionate kisses, probing and swirling his tongue in Dean's hot, wet, mouth. They were both moaning. Dean ran his hands up the back of Cas' shirt, digging his fingertips into his back. As he pulled Cas even tighter against him, Cas moved his attention to nipping at Dean's earlobe. The hot breath gave him chills as Cas' raspy voice said, "I want you Dean. I want you to make love to me. I want to feel you inside me."  
Cas took both of Dean's hands and pulled him to the bed. He shed his clothes and threw them against the wall. Dean's jaw was slack with surprise. "Are you sure that's what you want? Do you know EXACTLY what you want?" Dean asked.   
"I did my research, Dean. I trust you not to hurt me. Do you trust me?" The fallen angel pleaded. Dean could see in his eyes that he was sincere. "Of course I trust you," Dean said tenderly. "Let's just slow it down. I want to take our time, okay?" Cas nodded.  
Dean stripped himself and joined Cas on the bed. "You're so beautiful," he said as he ran his fingers through Cas' dark, thick hair. He placed delicate kisses on Cas' forehead, then eyelids, nose, cheeks, jaw...Dean wanted to cover him with kisses. He wanted Cas to feel loved and cherished and not just an object of lust.   
Cas put a hand behind Dean's neck and pulled him in for a more sensual kiss. His other hand flattened against Dean's hot flesh, tracing over muscles and scars. He lowered his hand to the small of Dean's back and around to his hip. Dean gasped slightly when Cas' fingers dug into his cheek to pull his pelvis in line with Cas. He didn't know if he could even last by the time he was inside.  
He had to break away to get the bottle of lube. They had used it only for touching at this point but Dean knew from an evening with a much more experienced woman that they would need a lot of it to make Cas more comfortable. His lover pouted from the loss of contact but Dean resumed his plan of covering Cas' body with kisses. He had gotten all the way down to the sensitive part of Cas' inner thigh when he pulled away again. This time he grabbed a pillow and raised Cas' hips to position it underneath.   
"Before I go any further, I want you to know that you can stop me any time. If anything hurts or you get scared, we stop. Okay?" Dean said. Cas nodded again. Dean couldn't tell if it was excitement or fear or both in his trembling lover's eyes.

16  
Dean applied a generous amount of lube to his fingers and gently circled Cas' hole. He flinched slightly and uttered, "Cold" before Dean could pull away. He continued and pressed the tip of one finger against the resistant muscle. He put his mouth on the head of Cas' dick at the moment he breached him. There was a guttural moan of pleasure instead of a hiss of pain. Dean continued bobbing his head as he worked his finger deeper inside Cas. He worked a rhythm and Cas bucked his hips to meet it. Dean worked in another finger and was met with more moans. When he thought Cas was prepared for him, he withdrew to lubricate himself. He was coated thoroughly. He lined himself up with Cas with one hand and balanced above him on the other. "I love you so much, Cas," he whispered. "I love you too, Dean," he answered.  
Dean pressed forward as slow as he could stand. He felt Cas spasm around his tip. He wanted to thrust forward but resisted. Cas soon adjusted to him and tried to pull more of him in. Oh god he was so tight. And hot. And Dean's head was swimming. "You feel amazing, baby," he panted. He eased himself back out a couple inches as slowly as he had entered. When he moved forward Cas wrapped his legs and arms around him.   
It wasn't long before Dean picked up his pace. Cas was trying to move with him, clawing at his back and pulling his hair like an animal. Dean didn't think he could last much longer. He reached between them to grasp Cas' erection. "No Dean," he hissed. "I don't need that to come."   
He took Dean by surprise by rolling them both in a single move. Cas was straddle of him and lowered his full weight on Dean, taking all of him inside. Cas started rocking and grinding. Dean grabbed his hips to hold on as Cas rode him to the edge. When he saw Cas toss his head back and felt hot drops of come hit his stomach, the spasms of Cas' orgasm sent his own pumping. He thrust upward one last time when it hit.   
Cas collapsed forward onto him. Dean held him and kissed him between gasps for breath. He slipped out of Cas and moved him to lay beside him. They just stared at each other for what felt like forever. Dean gently caressed Cas' face. "Are you okay?" He asked tenderly. "I'm wonderful, Dean," Cas answered with a smile. "I've given myself completely to you. You are my mate."  
"Does this mean you want me to make an honest man out of you?" Dean joked.  
"I am an honest man, Dean." Cas looked at him with a furrowed brow, confused. Dean laughed at him.   
"No, I know, it's just an expression. It's like asking if you want to get married."  
"Oh," Cas' face softened. "Yes."  
"Yes, what Cas? You get it?"   
"Yes I wish to marry you."

17  
Dean was in a mild state of shock. He just sodomized an angel and apparently got engaged. Not how he planned, but it's not like he could unring that bell. He thought it would be a while longer before he boldly went where no man had gone before. And marriage? Not even on the table before joking around in his own head at breakfast. Could he marry Cas? Would he be Cas Winchester or Jimmy Novak Winchester? Would he be Dean Novak? The Novak-Winchesters? There wasn't enough blood returned to his brain yet.   
"Why don't we get ourselves cleaned up before we start picking out China patterns?" He said. They would probably want to put some fresh linens on the bed as well. There were splotches of lube and semen. Cas whined a little but realized he was a bit of a mess. He didn't want to put any clothes on though so he pulled the soiled blanket around him, clean side on his skin. Dean grabbed the top sheet and did the same, stopping to get clean boxers and tees for post shower. He'd gather everything up for the laundry after as well. And a snack. He could use about half a pecan pie about now.  
He was thankful for hot water and good pressure, though. As many showers as he and Cas wound up taking...too bad there wasn't a master suite in the bunker. They could have easy access to clean up without the need to cover up first. Dean was more of an exhibitionist but Sam was a real prude. He even stayed a few stalls down when they showered.   
Since it was well past Sammy's bedtime Dean joined Cas in his stall. He soaped his hands and ran them all over Cas' back and then around to his chest. Cas turned to give Dean the same treatment and noticed the bruise forming on Dean's neck. He apologized for hurting him but Dean kissed him and laughed it off. He called it a "love bite." But he did say he would have to hide it from Sam to avoid questions. He still felt a little guilty for being so aggressive. Cas kissed the spot as lightly as he could.  
Seeing Cas wet and soapy and feeling his touch made Dean feel a little excited again. He could see Cas was sporting a little chub, too. He gave Cas a long, deep kiss. Yeah, he could go another round tonight. Just a little more soap and..."there's my guy," he said when Cas firmed in his hand.. Cas leaned back against the cool tile. Dean's hardness pressed up against his in Dean's lathered grip.  
"Wait, Dean," he struggled," I want to do something for you." He pushed Dean into the water to rinse.  
"Cas you don't have to...Oh god," Dean moaned as Cas went to his knees and took him in his mouth. He had to brace himself against the wall. Cas was a VERY fast learner. Dean was gulping for air. Where the hell did he learn that? He was afraid his legs would give out as Cas bobbed with the suction of a shop vac. "Cas I'm gonna...." he tried to warn him. His knees did buckle but Cas steadied him and he finished swallowing him down.   
"Touch me, Dean," Cas commanded. Dean turned him to where Cas was backed into him and he could reach around and nestle his chin into Cas' shoulder. "Come for me, baby. Come like you made me come," Dean coaxed in his ear. He nibbled and sucked at the lobe until he felt Cas pulse in his fist. He gently cleaned him and turned off the water. It was definitely time for bed.  
18  
"What do you mean by 'caught us,' Sam?" Dean managed to ask. He wasn't going to deny his relationship but when did they fuck up? And how badly scarred was his brother from seeing them together?  
"Um...last night. I heard the shower running and thought I was going to punk you but then I saw your 'O' face and Cas stand up so...yeah. Pretty much confirmed what I thought was going on," Sam said, staring into his coffee cup. At least he hadn't seen anything too graphic. "Kind of wish you guys felt you could tell me about it instead of just shutting me out and sneaking around."   
"Sammy, I almost told you a hundred times. You've got to believe that. Cas wanted to tell you from day one. It's not like we thought you wouldn't be okay with it. It's just, I don't know. It's like I wasn't ready to share my happy yet. I'm sorry." Dean tried to get Sam to make eye contact so he could see the sincerity. He reached for Cas' hand and held it openly on the table. Cas was beaming a little.  
"So, is this the real thing?" Sam asked, finally looking up. He could count the number of serious relationships Dean had on one hand. Himself, too, for that matter.   
Dean turned to look at Cas and smiled. "This is as real as it gets, Sam. I am totally, completely, and helplessly in love with Castiel." Cas' eyes were sparkling from the tears welling up in them. "And I am totally, completely, and helplessly in love with Dean Winchester," Cas said before giving Dean an innocent kiss.  
"Wow," Sam exclaimed with tears in his own eyes. He had never seen that kind of love and happiness come from his big brother. He never thought Dean would let down his walls and allow himself to be loved like that. It was a bona fide miracle. He sniffled and then chuckled. "So when's the wedding?" He joshed, kicking Dean under the table.  
"Dean and I have not further discussed wedding arrangements," Cas answered. Dean rolled his eyes and Sam burst out raucous laughter, slapping the table. "What's so funny?" Cas scowled. "Are we not betrothed, Dean?" More laughter erupted, this time from both brothers. Dean pulled Cas into a tight embrace. "Yes, yes we are, Cas. It's happy laughing. Sam is happy for us, aren't you, Sammy?"  
"Yeah, Mazel Tov! Congratulations! Just get me a date so I can book a hall and a band and rent some doves..." Dean slugged him in the shoulder. "Shut up, Bitch!" he said. "Jerk!" Sam countered. They both turned to Cas. "Assbutt!" They said in unison. This was going to work. The Winchester brothers.

**Author's Note:**

> I wanted a love story with a little smut worked in. Love is complex when you find it where you hadn't been looking


End file.
